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| TITANIC: EPISODE II ATTACK OF THE ICE by Naboo Queen |
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It is a dark time for the Atlantic. The floating death trap, Titanic, must make a voyage to New York. Yet looming in the darkness is the specter of ice, a known threat that could spell doom for the liner. Despite numerous warnings about the intrinsic danger of ice, the conniving PALPATINE is trying to convince the crew of Titanic to continue its maiden voyage . . .
SOUTH HAMPTON--DOCK
The beautiful and outlandishly dressed PADME DE AMIDALA is on the Titanic's ramp, entering the ship, when an explosion occurs.
HANDMAID: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The handmaid runs and cradles the Senator in her arms.
HANDMAID: WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????
CAPTAIN TYPHO runs to the handmaid, who takes off her hat revealing the real PADME. It was her decoy that was killed.
TYPHO: Hush, Senator. She died bravely. And anyways, that was your handmaid's job, wasn't it? To stop bullets and such? Instead of crying like a baby, you should give her an employee of the month award for a job well done.
PADME gets herself under control.
PADME: You're right, of course.
R.M.S. TITANIC--PROMENADE SUITE A
PALPATINE is sitting at a desk, addressing the CAPTAIN, PADME and her HANDMAIDS.
PALPATINE: Obviously the attack was made to stop this voyage, which must continue at all costs. No more debate is needed. Ice is a necessary danger that we must face and accept.
CAPTAIN:(a dazed look on his face) Yes. No more debate is needed. Ice is a necessary danger that we must face and accept.
PADME DOES NOT NOTICE ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS.
THE DOORS OPEN. OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN ENTER.
OBI-WAN: It's a great pleasure to see you again, m'lady.
PADME NOTICES ANAKIN
PADME: Ani? Gracious, how you've grown!
ANAKIN: As have you, m'lady. (everyone stares) Grown more beautiful, I mean.
(everyone groans)
R.M.S. TITANIC--BOAT DECK
ANAKIN AND OBI-WAN ARE WALKING.
ANAKIN: Just being around her again is intoxicating.
OBI-WAN: And being around you is like watching a badly written episode of "Days of Our Lives!"
ANAKIN: You don't understand.
OBI-WAN: I believe I do, my very young Padawan. But remember, you've made a commitment to the Jedi Order, one not easily broken.
ANAKIN: Unless you're the star of this movie.
R.M.S. TITANIC--DINING ROOM
OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN ARE BEFORE THE COUNCIL
MACE WINDU: Young Skywalker, you must bring the Senator back to her home in first class. Protect her with your life.
OBI-WAN: And remain in contact with me. Do nothing without the Council's approval.
ANAKIN: Sure, Mr. I'll-train-the-boy-without-the-Council's-approval-if-I-must.
R.M.S.TITANIC-- FIRST CLASS CABIN
PADME AND ANAKIN ARE PACKING. ANAKIN KEEPS STARING AT HER.
PADME: Don't look at me like that. It makes me uncomfortable.
ANAKIN: I'm sorry, m'lady.
PADME: And what's with this dumb "m'lady" stuff? Nobody in "Star Wars" ever used that expression before!
ANAKIN: George Lucas never tried to write a Harlequin Romance before either. I guess there's a first time for everything!
(both laugh in a fake manner)
R.M.S. TITANIC--BOILER ROOM 6
OBI-WAN IS SNEAKING AROUND AND DISCOVERS THE SHIP IS GOING FULL-STEAM AHEAD, IN SPITE OF THE ICE. HE RUNS OFF AND IS FOLLOWED BY JANGO FETT. INEXPLICABLY THEY ARE TRANSPORTED INTO OUTER SPACE IN THE MIDST OF AN ASTEROID FIELD. THEY CHASE EACH OTHER BARELY MISSING THE ASTEROIDS.
OBI-WAN: (from his Jedi Starfighter): We're in outer space racing though an asteroid field? This is unbelievable!
JANGO FETT (replying through his comlink): Not as unbelievable as the fact that George would rip off one of the greatest scenes from 'The Empire Strikes Back' and hope the fans wouldn't feel cheated.
R.M.S.TITANIC--FIRST CLASS DECK
ANAKIN IS OUT ON THE FIRST CLASS DECK LOOKING LIKE A FABIO WANNABE TALKING EARNESTLY WITH PADME.
ANAKIN: I can't stop what I'm feeling. I've dreamed about you every day for 10 years! And I assure you that I only dreamed about your remarkable personality!
PADME: I believe you, Anakin.
ANAKIN: You are in my very soul tormenting me.
PADME: This dialogue sure is tormenting me! (more kindly) Ani, it's just that I don't have time to fall in love.
ANAKIN: Trust me, the people in the audience don't have time to watch us fall in love. They're just putting up with this because they want to see Yoda kick butt at the end of the movie.
TITANIC--FIRST CLASS PROMENADE DECK
ANAKIN IS MEDITATING. PADME APPEARS DRESSED IN A REVEALING, SILK NIGHTGOWN. SHE STARTS TO LEAVE.
ANAKIN: Don't go. Your presence is soothing.
PADME: I thought my presence tormented you.
ANAKIN: That was last night. I change ideas and personalities from moment to moment.
PADME: You know there's medication that can help you with that.
ANAKIN: (ignoring her) I've dreamed about my Mom. I must go third class and save her.
PADME: And I'm going with you.
TITANIC--THIRD CLASS CABIN
ANAKIN AND PADME MEET OWEN, BERU AND CLIEGG, SHMI'S HUSBAND
CLIEGG: They came out of nowhere, a bunch of drunken Irishmen.
ANAKIN: Yes, I am familiar with the simplistic stereotype. (rises) I must save my Mom.
CLIEGG: She's dead, son. Accept it.
ANAKIN STALKS OUT ANYWAYS. HE REACHES HIS MOM IN TIME TO SEE HER DIE A BRUTAL DEATH. THEN HE GOES AND SLAUGHTERS ALL THE IRISH ON THE SHIP.
TITANIC--THIRD CLASS RECREATION ROOM
PADME: Don't cry because you killed all those men, women, and children. It just means you're human.
ANAKIN Slaughtering innocent women and children is what every normal human does? Um, Ok, if you say so.
PADME HUGS HIM, BUT ANAKIN KEEPS CRYING
PADME: Shush, you're human.
ANAKIN (eyes looking shifty): Uh, yeah, and I uh, didn't really want to do it anyway.
PADME: I believe you.
THEY SMILE AT EACH OTHER AND EMBRACE
MEANWHILE, OWEN AND BERU ARE LISTENING TO THE ENTIRE CONVERSATION.
OWEN (to Beru): Forget the Irish, it's these two that scare me.
BERU: No wonder Uncle George cut this scene from the movie!
THE COUPLE CREEPS AWAY IN ABSOLUTE HORROR
TITANIC--FIRST CLASS DINING ROOM-SUNDAY EVENING
OBI-WAN, YODA, AND MACE WINDU ARE DISCUSSING THE WAR THAT HAS JUST BEGUN AS THE SHIP HEADS STRAIGHT FOR THE ICEBERG
OBI-WAN: Uh, shouldn't we be watching for ice?
MACE WINDU: Ice? What's dangerous about ice?
Cut to . . .
PADME AND ANAKIN START TO GET MARRIED ON THE FIRST-CLASS STAIRCASE
Cut back to . . .
TITANIC--FIRST CLASS DINING ROOM
OBI-WAN (to Mace): Uh, tell me again why it is a good idea to send an unstable kid alone with the attractive woman he's obsessed with when we're trying to keep him celibate?
ICE COMES CLOSER
Cut to . . .
TITANIC--BRIDGE
PALPATINE LAUGHS EVILY AS HE WATCHES THE ICEBERG LOOM LARGER, AND LARGER.
Cut to . . .
ANAKIN AND PADME, SMOOCHING FOR A TACKY AMOUNT OF TIME FOR A WEDDING CEREMONY, SMILE AT EACH OTHER LITTLE KNOWING THAT THEY HAVE SEALED THEIR DOOM.
THE END
OUR "LOVE" WILL GO ON
ANAKIN
Every night in my dreams
I see you and (I swear) just think of you
That is how I know we'll go on
Far across the distance, and planets between us
You have come to show we'll go on.
Near far, wherever we are, I believe that our "love" will go on.
Once more, you opened that door
And you're here in my protection and
Our "love" will go on and on.
Love can touch you one time and last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone.
Love was when I met you
One true time, I stalked you.
In our lives we'll always go on.
Near far, wherever we are, I believe that our "love" will go on.
Once more, you opened that door
And you're here in my protection and
Our "love" will go on and on.
You're here, there's much you should fear
'Cause I know that our "love" will go on
We'll stay forever this way
(spoken aside) until a year or two when I cruelly leave you
And you're here in my protection and
Our "love" will go on and on.
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